Blog Post #5: Grace, Patience, and Honesty

It seems crazy to think that this semester is already coming to an end. I have to try not to feel robbed, as I'm sure many other students feel, of my spring semester. I remember the first week of classes in January, walking into Telenovelas, Culture, & Society, and thinking to myself 'Wow. This could be my favorite class I've ever taken.' I have to try to look at the positives and be grateful for the time that we had together. Obviously, had I known what would happen I think I would've been more intentional, more deliberate with every second I had in the class, had I known it was going to be so limited. But I think, as horrific as this pandemic has been, I think it's made all of us really remember to never take anything for granted. When the pandemic truly hit the fan, it was everything I could do to stay calm. My anxiety disorder took COVID-19 and ran with it, making waking up each day like a nightmarish version of the 1993 film Groundhog's Day. 'You have nothing to do! You're isolated in your apartment you have no excuse to not do your work!' However, at least for me, I found the walls of my apartment closing in around me. All of the work that I needed to do suddenly seemed meaningless compared to the climbing death toll on the news every morning. I could barely concentrate on the things I needed to do. The things I used to look forward to, now seemed to take an unreasonable amount of effort. Even watching my telenovela. I tried my best to be swept up in the world of La Doña. Sometimes it worked, most of the time I found myself having to rewatch the same 5 episodes because I either couldn't pay attention, or couldn't remember what had happened. I think at this point, the concept of grace is so important. We need to give each other grace and have patience in this crazy new world, but most importantly, we need to give ourselves grace and listen to our bodies and what we need. The collective unease that we all feel every day? It is grief. Grieving a life that we lost and the people we've lost with it. Even if you don't know someone who lost their life to COVID, we have all lost pieces of our lives and the normality that we used to have. I am grateful for the hard working people that create La Doña and give people a way to escape and a glance back at what life looked like before social distancing. I know that, without this pandemic, I would've watched more of my telenovela, but I am working on being patient with myself and giving myself grace and knowing that I am, truly doing my best.